Sitting around my apartment with no pants on, drinking coffee, surfing the internet, reading books. I thought I should do more than this, but I'm perfectly content.
Tonight I'm going to see Radiohead with Y and two of our closest friends (the couple whose wedding we met at). Radiohead! I've wanted to see them for years and their tickets are so hard to get. A birthday present from Y, and a present of sorts from the friends we're going with as they called me first for dibs on the two tickets.
Ahhh, good things. I feel content, I feel ready, I feel good.
Finally, I feel good.
Haven't really binged in a few weeks and I am starting to feel that all the pain that I've been holding onto and unsure of how to deal with is melting away. I'm conscious of it, I'm aware of moving past it. It's incredibly liberating. I feel like I'm OK on my own, OK without the weight of the past strapped to me and holding me back. I don't need to use it as a crutch, as a barrier....I can live without it. I can use it to make me stronger and better.
That scared little kid I've been for so long is finally growing up. And I really, really like who she's becoming.