Mar 27, 2008

New color, new cut, all free

A friend of mine invited me to try out her hair salon, with all services free of charge. Since the stylists had just gone to the Chicago hair show, they were eager for people to work on to try out their new ideas and techniques.

Free cut and color? I'm all over it. My hair was grown out and mousy brown and I needed help! This isn't a student that cut my hair. She's been a professional for at least four years and just wanted to gain a new client in me put some advertising on my head.

Irina, my favorite new stylist, foiled all over my head with blonde highlights all over and some brown lowlights on the crown. For a cut, she kept some of the length which I liked, as she wanted to use my long face-framing layers as the highlight. The back is just a bit shorter, so it's a fun, funky cut. I even cut bangs (fringe)! I feel like they changed the shape of my face, bring out my eyes and are much more complementary.

I'm thrilled and have already booked a follow-up appointment for five weeks out. Nothing like a new style to boost your confidence!
These pics don't really show off the color as they were taking in flourescent light with my blackberry, but it's good!

Mar 21, 2008

I needed a giggle today

I'm cleaning up and I'm moving on, going straight and choosing life.

I think that happiness is a choice, a decision, not a natural constant state of mind. It's a lovely fantasy for me to think that some people are just happy all the time and if I hope hard enough, that person could be me. It's more important for me to realize that each moment contains a choice. The more I've been conscious of this fact, the more I've chosen to put on a smile or to think of the positive. Sometimes, even if the smile is fake or I'm pulling a ridiculously shallow thought like "I'm lucky because I have an iced coffee to drink", it can turn my mood upside down eventually.

I know I still have a lot of stuff to wade through in regards to what has led to me having an eating disorder. And I know I still have to work to beat this disorder and a fake smile isn't always going to be enough....but it's a start.

I'd been meditating on this choice of happiness a lot lately and it's one of the things that gets me out of bed in the morning. I love to sleep in. On top of that, I'm not very good at getting up. Those are two very different things and the combination is messy. Mornings that I'm moaning and trying to hide my head under the covers are many. But I became aware one morning that while I still am able to get up and run around my apartment getting ready and going to work and being around people and laughing and being alive, I should embrace all of that. Even the not-so-fun parts like a day of filing at work or taking out the garbage or paying bills. Because I can.

This week a man I know died. It's hard for me to even refer to him as a man, really, because he was just a 23-year old kid. His best friend, A, is a close friend of mine and the two of them are some of the nicest, funniest, warmest people I know. And they've both known more than their fair share of tragedy already. I'm still kind of struggling to figure out how I feel about it and what it means. But it has also opened my eyes a bit more to what's important. It's holding on to that I'll have to remember.... People always make these promises to themselves when someone dies that they won't take their friends for granted, that they'll exercise more, that they'll call their mothers once a week.....I don't want to make any of those morbid resolutions. But this is now the second person I've known in the past year who has passed long before their time. It's a wake up call, if nothing else, for me. And a terrible tragedy for those two men...

(without the heroin bit - "Choose Life" a la Trainspotting):

'Choose life, choose a job, choose a career, choose a family, choose a fucking big television. Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments, choose a starter home, choose your friends. Choose leisure-wear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suite and higher purchase and a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you've spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future, choose life.'

Today I'm grateful for: Breath, warmth, love

Mar 17, 2008

sooo tired

I don't know what's wrong with me, but I'm simply exhausted. I think my allergies are acting up which always so a good job of kicking my ass, but it seems too early to have this start! It's still snowing outside!

Two more weeks until vacation. Booked our first few nights at a beachside hotel in Fort Lauderdale and then we'll head down to the Keys for a few nights of camping. All the state parks were booked so we're staying at a KOA at Sugarloaf Key (Mile Marker 20). They have a shuttle into Key West, boat rentals, beachy goodness, a floating trampoline, and, according to, temperatures in the low-80s (27C)!!

I'll be shopping for a bathing suit this week - I'll keep you updated.

Mar 12, 2008

A week already?

How did a week go by without a single blog entry from me? Seems pretty indicative of how my life has been lately!
Things are good though. Some highlights from the past week:

I'm getting excited for my
vacation in a few weeks. I'm totally drinking fruity frozen drinks when I get there - it's a must! A few days in Fort Lauderdale and Miami, and then down to the Keys for some camping and general relaxation.

Things with the
bf are going well. I had a great weekend with him. Once thing though was I realized that I was only really giving him half a chance. I was comparing him to this idealized version of my ex and our relationship and because of that, he had a lot to live up to. Trouble is, that person I was comparing him to isn't real. I mean, the pieces I chose to extract are real, but they don't make up a complete person. And if they did, and if my ex was that guy, we'd still be together. But he's not. And it's not fair to me or to the bf to still have that imaginary third person lingering around.
This past weekend something shifted and I realized that for my own happiness, I wanted to give him, and us, a real chance. He makes me laugh, he makes me think, and I like him. That is enough for me to want to try.

A close friend, S, announced
she and her husband are expecting! I'm so excited for her. My youngest niece just turned 4 so I'm glad to have another baby coming along!

The days are getting
warmer. It is snowing today, but I'm going to ignore it and not look out the windows. Shouldn't be too hard as I'm at work and only the fancy bosses get windows.....

My girlfriends have started a book club and our first read is Jane Austen's
Sense and Sensibility. The idea was inspired by watching the movie The Jane Austen Book Club. A cute, sweet movie - great for a night in with the girls.

Mar 5, 2008

What I wake up and see

I thought maybe the pouring rain and thunderstorms would keep them away from my bedroom window today, but no....They're hardcore.
I suppose it's like an extra alarm clock!

Today, I'm grateful for: my health and mobility