Apr 30, 2009

Oh, that's just the couch cushion fused to my rear end!

I have a confession - I spent not one, but THREE hours watching Real Housewives of New York last night.

Yes, that's 3.

Three, tres, trois, any language you use it's atrocious! (My official excuse - I didn't take any allergy meds yesterday and was a total train wreck. All I could manage was laying on the couch when I got home from work) Lo and behold, there was a special marathon of my least favorite love-to-hate vapid yellowheads on BravoTV just for me.

I felt dirty after watching it. And good. They're so incredibly obnoxious, but the show is just so pathetically delicious!

So I've decided to make a little list for myself of alternate activities I can choose from the next time I'm looking for a way to fill some time:

  • French lessons
  • Play the banjo
  • Organize my recipe collection
  • Do a yoga or Shred DVD
  • Head out for a bike ride
  • Study for the GREs
  • Call a friend
  • Play with the bunnies
  • Go for a walk
All interesting, enriching or fun, but I guess not quite the guilty pleausures Bravo always provides!

Apr 15, 2009

Always glaring into mirrors...

I saw Ani DiFranco perform live last night at a fabulous little venue called The Music Hall in downtown Portsmouth. The show was incredible and it was interesting to listen to her now as a mother, as someone deeply happy and in love. Her music has softened a bit, opened up. She spoke about how much easier it is to write songs about the problems, the tough times, and how you really have to work a little harder to write about being just plain happy. Interesting thought....

I was saying recently how it's easier to blog when you're happy. But when I try to write poetry, it's a different thing. Working to write about the good times, joy, love, happiness - it doesn't usually call for the pen and ink! Maybe it's because you'd rather be off enjoying it than trying to pick it apart on paper? Maybe it's because you run the risk of sounding cheesy or trite when you try to put it into words?

One song of hers that I'm stuck on lately is Present/Infant from her new album. It just strikes me every time I hear it. Given how women are taught to look for their own flaws, and how the currency of conversation between women is in insulting one's own thighs or thin hair or pale skin, I'm guessing many of you can relate to these lyrics. I think that I'm getting better at not constantly telling myself how "fat I am" or "disgusting" but I realized I've moved on to searching for enlarged pores or gray hairs or sagging bits. Not really the best trade-off!

lately i've been glaring into mirrors
picking myself apart
you'd think at my age
i'd of thought of something better to do
then make insecurity into a full time job
make insecurity into an art
and i fear my life will be over
and i will have never lived unfettered

always glaring into mirrors
mad i don't look better

don't let the sellers of stuff power enough
to rob you of your grace

(from Present/Infant by Ani DiFranco)

See it performed here

Apr 8, 2009

Three things

1. Zumba was so much fun. My hips are sore but I had a blast - giggled through at least half the class.

2. I asked a friend to cater 2 weeks worth of meals at my office. He thanked me for the business with these tulips.

(sorry for the composition and quality!)

3. 2009 has been a tough year for some of my friends and family - health problems, unexpected deaths, job loss, tragedy. It's hard to know how to make sense of it. The least I can do is remember to enjoy myself, be nice to myself and my body and find joy in every day.

This sounds pretty cheesy and simplistic but I don't know what else to do but remember to work to keep myself healthy and to be grateful for what I have.

Today I'm grateful for: fresh fruit and plans with a good friend tonight

Apr 7, 2009

Missing in inaction

It's typically a bad sign when I disappear.

I don't blog because I need some space to figure something out, I'm disappointed in myself and don't want to share that with my blog readers or admit it to myself which has to happen when I actually type and publish.

I made it through the week I hurt my back quite well. Then I had a curveball from my parents that sent me into a bit of a tailspin, as they always seem to be able to do.

I'm going to try a Zumba class at the gym tonight. I owe it to myself to get some exercise, and more importantly, to have some fun.

I'm back. No more excuses and no more hiding. I need to post when I'm having a hard time and when I'm not. That's why I have this blog and that's just reality.