Dec 19, 2007

today I'm glad

it's been over a year since i last blogged, so here's my new space...ready to go. sort of. it's got no bells and whistles yet but i just want to do this now so i actually get it started. more interesting posts to come, i hope...

i've been doing it again for weeks - eating like a crazed women. ignoring what's bothering me, avoiding certain issues, running away from confronting my feelings. my weight creeps up, my skin looks sallow, my clothes fit poorly. as i see the scale creep up 1, 2, 6 pounds, i am convinced that the problem is actually that i'm fat and that i look awful. the perfect distraction from actually dealing with the things i need to.

i was feeling more like myself in the past few months, and i convinced myself that i don't have an eating disorder anymore. nice as that would be, it doesn't quite go away so easily and quickly. i feel ready again to admit i have a lot of work to do and feel strong enough to start working on it again. this new blog of mine is a chance to be open again, to talk about who i am and how I will deal with this struggle. the fun stuff and the hard's all me.

on an ED site today (, I read a suggestion to express gratitude each day as one of my recovery tools. pretty simple advice that i've read countless times before. with what i'm going through right now, i forget sometimes to reflect on the things that are positive in my life. instead of giving myself a pat on the back for a great idea i had or a project completed, i focus on these negative exaggerated points that aren't relative or helpful.

so to start: today I'm glad i started this blog


  1. you're first pat on the back on my behalf, welcome back!! Keep up the good work!

  2. yay!! I'm very proud of you for starting this yesterday!! Here's to another day of feeling just a little bit more in control.

  3. k. post 1 was great.... now, where's post #2?? :)