May 18, 2008

Where does the good go?

After so many lonely, crazy, sad, angry, empty, awful months I started to feel like I was going to be OK. I grew more strong, complete, independent, comfortable, open, optimistic, free. But I still think about him.

I see the ocean, a tent, a certain shade of blue and I think of him. Music reminds me of him, even if its a song I've never heard before. I know I'm not meant to be with him, and when I think of the possibility it's clear to me he's not the one. Logistically, emotionally, practically - no way I look at it is right for us or me and "We" as a twosome are just not appealing to me any more.

So why do I still have him on my mind? Letting go just keeps going on...

It's less often that he comes up, and more often I find myself surprised instead of sad or traumatized at the invasion of my thoughts. And I suppose there will be a day that it will be OK, we always find a way to reconcile our past. I know there will always be a corner of my heart for him, but I'm happy to have found that I have so much more love to give and someone else who deserves it.

Today I'm grateful for: broken hearts do mend.

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